Today is unusual. Not that I was cleaning, you see, but what I was cleaning*. I was cleaning my junk drawer. Which is doubly bad because that's in the kitchen. You see, it's easier for me to work up the fortitude for cleaning if what is going to be cleaned is in my line of sight as a general thing. My living room stays cleaner than my bedroom. I don't use my kitchen much. Sure, the area in front of the microwave is generally clear of stuff that would prevent me from opening the door, but other than that, not much happens in the kitchen by way of cleaning.
I'm sure that you can imagine then how rare it is for me to clean out the junk drawer. I did find some cool stuff, like peel and stick hooks and a relatively fresh pack of gum, unopened. I also now realize that I'm set for awhile for AAA batteries. They are tiny, so they can come in tiny packs, and I only ever needed them in pairs, and so I bought them in small packs, and the packs would get buried in the junk in my drawer so each time I needed a new pair I would buy a whole new pack and now I have 33 batteries. Oh, 35 if you count the two AA ones I found.**
On the other hand I did find amusement in reading some of the old sets of instructions for replaced, broken or simply missing electronics and other gadgets. I especially enjoyed certain warnings and general tips, like
"Non-rechargeable batteries are not to be recharged" Really! How'd you deduce that then?
If you have rechargeable batteries then "[They] are to be removed from the product before being charged (if removable)" Golly!
In case you're wondering, "Battery insertion must be done by an adult."
"Exhausted batteries are to be removed from the product." Yes boss! (Makes sense, too. I know my work performance degrades when I'm exhausted)
This one does have a certain safety aspect to it. "The supply terminals are not to be short circuited." But really? If they mean the terminals on the battery, well, that's actually kind of hard to do by accident. Unless you habitually leave your batteries in the random bag of screws found in all junk drawers everywhere. In which case the cost of the new kitchen drawer should serve as a good lesson against such a habit.* If they mean the terminals in the battery compartment, then that's silly. It would take someone modifying the product in such a way as to void any legal responsibility by the manufacturer of the product. Like, the guy who puts new shocks on his car, but screws it up, and then sues the car company because the car only and constantly turns left. The car company is under no obligation to idiots who break their personal belongings. And any one capable enough to modify the product without screwing it up already knows not to create a short circuit anyway. So this one is totally useless.
You know, I would expect such a hefty list of warning concerning batteries to be on a pack of batteries. I only listed the funniest ones, and they didn't even make up half the list. But no. This list doesn't occur on a pack of batteries. Maybe because all the ones I could find were small. No, these warnings were in the instructions for a clock! The thing didn't even come with batteries! So why all the warning? I guess it's for protection, but I reserve the right to get amusement from it!
Plus, given my profundity of batteries and my storage method (haphazardly thrown into a drawer) it's probably a good thing I have such an extensive battery safety resource at my fingertips.
*Cleaning in general is unusual in that it's rare, but it goes in patterns and cycles, so its not unusual in that it's a strange occurrence.
**Did I mention that my remote dies today? It takes four AA batteries.
***Or the cost of a new kitchen, if you stored the batteries and screws near any flammable materials. Like may happen in a junk drawer.