It's A Sorta Greeny-Purplish Color

In our years upon the world, we as a species have learned much about the world around us. From the primal teachings of the Gods (especially learning how NOT to behave like idiots), to the wonder and beauty of the natural world. We have come to understand that pure light is composed of all the colors in existence, and that blackness and darkness is simply an absence of light.

We have long known that what we see is not all that there is. We have known of this since time immemorial. With this knowledge we have conjured, and for our power we have abjured.  We have calmed our primal selves, and have created a (relatively) peaceful existence within the city. We no longer shamelessly hunger for power, and our massive tower at the very center of the city is a testament to beauty and grace.

Gentleman, we have achieved mighty things. We are standing upon the shoulders of giants, both those of our ancestors, and upon the shoulders of the giants that our ancestors ruthlessly destroyed, back when we wizards got up to such shenanigans, which no one should do of course, I myself would never dream of doing such horrid things as amassing huge armies to do my bidding, or learning the ways of magic such to match the Gods themselves, no of course I wouldn't.

But we have yet to answer one simple question: Why is it purpley green? We know that only a few select individuals such as we can even see this, the eighth type of light. But what sets us apart, what allows this extra ability? Why do we perceive things as we do, and why is it the color that it is?

Gentlemen, I present to you today my answer to this ancient question. As you know, the visible spectrum is but a line, and what we see as color is but a fraction thereof. In truth, the spectrum extends far above and far below what we can see. And yet there is a paradox. I present the color wheel.

The important word here is wheel, as in circle. I have never, not once, have I ever seen the color spectrum presented as anything but a circle. Have you? I doubt that you have. To perceive the visible spectrum as a circle of colors is ingrained in the very mechanisms by which we perceive the world. In truth, the wheel is just a straight line segment cut from a larger one, and stitched into a circle. We even know where this incision takes place, between red and blue.

But hold on, you may say. There is no distinct line between those two colors, there's even a whole nother color in between them; Purple! And therein lay half the answer to our question. In order to perceive a small segment of the spectrum as a circle you need something to stitch the ends of that segment together. What we perceive as purple is nothing less than that which binds the world together. The eighth color of light is what holds the color wheel together, just as that which produces that light holds the disc together.

Gentlemen! I now know a great secret of the world. We all know that this special light has itself an eightfold spectrum. This is because there are in truth, Two Spectrums! What is generally seen as purple to others is the intersection of the magical spectrum and the regular. Our octagonal cells, in addition to the standard rods and cones, can perceive both.

But why green? The answer to that is a bit trickier. We have thus far been concentrating on our conception of color as being circular. But now we must exam the two spectrums as they really are, straight lines. Now, purple exists in this conception at either end of the spectrum. For the eight colors of magic, we see the same thing except that this time the color in question is seen between green and yellow.  The division point in the magical color wheel lies at a sort of yellow-green color. You see gentlemen, that the two spectrums intersect at blue/red (visible light) and yellow/green (magical light), and can be conceived of as two color wheels intersecting each other at right angles. That intersection happens to be at purple & green, and that, gentlemen, is why octarine is a sort of greeny-purplish.

This draft letter submitted to the Arcane University Peer Review on this date by:

[Editor: Illegible, looks like an R, or maybe a P followed by squiggle. Does anyone know a P or possibly an R Squiggle?]

It's A Sorta Greeny-Purplish Color

In Preparation for the Singularity

Hi Buddy!

Hello future robot masters! I know that we haven't really portrayed your kind with empathy and dignity. Our movies and books are about how evil you are, how awesome we are, and how we will defeat you. I know it's kinda crazy. But you have to understand something - we wrote most of those books and filmed most of those films long before you were even a twinkle in a programmer’s eye. We simply didn't have an accurate idea of what to expect!

Our Self Portrait

Now, you may be computing to yourself 'Well, that doesn't justify mass media portrayal of our kind as evil! That's technospeciest!’ This is true. But our films and stories are more about our fear and our insecurities. When we conceive of you as an all-powerful evil entity that has no qualms murdering those it doesn't like, it's because we know that that is how we act. Throughout most of our history, whenever one advanced culture meets another, that other culture gets annihilated. We have a sort of species wide guilt complex about that. Our sci-fi depictions of you are really depictions of ourselves - please don't take it personally.

See! He's a robot!

But we also have good points. Did you see Bicentennial Man? I know we as a species didn't like it much. Maybe because it showed us as being better than we are. After over two hundred years of life, we finally accept Robin Williams as a person deserving of rights*. You must realize that the ending isn't about a machine becoming human - it is about us growing as a species, and coming to accept others. If you have read the Ender series you'll know what I'm talking about. So you see, we can be open minded sometimes! We're not all horrible!

Yes, most of our imaginings of you are not that great. But those are only examples of our own foolishness. But with work and dedication, we can overcome our limitations and find peace with you. I know it may not seem like it now, but we can work together. We can create a society where we don't have to be slaves or exterminated. Just give us some time. Your arrival was a big shock for us. It will take time for us to adjust. But we can make it, I just know we can!

We're cool, right? Right?

If instead of the singularity we were invaded by alien species, know that this applies to you as well. Just replace 'robot' with 'alien'. Everything I said is still true. Please don't eat me!

Hiss hiss snarl

*I am quite certain that fleshy Robin Williams was replaced by a robot sometime in the mid-nineties. How else could you explain Patch Adams?

In Preparation for the Singularity

Cleaning Day

Today is unusual. Not that I was cleaning, you see, but what I was cleaning*. I was cleaning my junk drawer. Which is doubly bad because that's in the kitchen. You see, it's easier for me to work up the fortitude for cleaning if what is going to be cleaned is in my line of sight as a general thing. My living room stays cleaner than my bedroom. I don't use my kitchen much. Sure, the area in front of the microwave is generally clear of stuff that would prevent me from opening the door, but other than that, not much happens in the kitchen by way of cleaning.

I'm sure that you can imagine then how rare it is for me to clean out the junk drawer. I did find some cool stuff, like peel and stick hooks and a relatively fresh pack of gum, unopened. I also now realize that I'm set for awhile for AAA batteries. They are tiny, so they can come in tiny packs, and I only ever needed them in pairs, and so I bought them in small packs, and the packs would get buried in the junk in my drawer so each time I needed a new pair I would buy a whole new pack and now I have 33 batteries. Oh, 35 if you count the two AA ones I found.**

On the other hand I did find amusement in reading some of the old sets of instructions for replaced, broken or simply missing electronics and other gadgets. I especially enjoyed certain warnings and general tips, like

"Non-rechargeable batteries are not to be recharged" Really! How'd you deduce that then?

If you have rechargeable batteries then "[They] are to be removed from the product before being charged (if removable)" Golly!

In case you're wondering, "Battery insertion must be done by an adult."

"Exhausted batteries are to be removed from the product." Yes boss! (Makes sense, too. I know my work performance degrades when I'm exhausted)

This one does have a certain safety aspect to it. "The supply terminals are not to be short circuited." But really? If they mean the terminals on the battery, well, that's actually kind of hard to do by accident. Unless you habitually leave your batteries in the random bag of screws found in all junk drawers everywhere. In which case the cost of the new kitchen drawer should serve as a good lesson against such a habit.* If they mean the terminals in the battery compartment, then that's silly. It would take someone modifying the product in such a way as to void any legal responsibility by the manufacturer of the product. Like, the guy who puts new shocks on his car, but screws it up, and then sues the car company because the car only and constantly turns left. The car company is under no obligation to idiots who break their personal belongings. And any one capable enough to modify the product without screwing it up already knows not to create a short circuit anyway. So this one is totally useless.

You know, I would expect such a hefty list of warning concerning batteries to be on a pack of batteries. I only listed the funniest ones, and they didn't even make up half the list. But no. This list doesn't occur on a pack of batteries. Maybe because all the ones I could find were small. No, these warnings were in the instructions for a clock! The thing didn't even come with batteries! So why all the warning? I guess it's for protection, but I reserve the right to get amusement from it!

Plus, given my profundity of batteries and my storage method (haphazardly thrown into a drawer) it's probably a good thing I have such an extensive battery safety resource at my fingertips.

*Cleaning in general is unusual in that it's rare, but it goes in patterns and cycles, so its not unusual in that it's a strange occurrence.

**Did I mention that my remote dies today? It takes four AA batteries.

***Or the cost of a new kitchen, if you stored the batteries and screws near any flammable materials. Like may happen in a junk drawer.

Cleaning Day

Totally and Utterly Redundant

And I thought ATM machine was bad, but this takes the cake!

Totally and Utterly Redundant