June 18, 2012

My New Favorite Delivery Driver

Some of you may remember me writing to complain about my UPS delivery driver. Now, it generally takes me a while to get upset about things. Continuous aggravation gets to me more than single events do. In general, at least. However, single events can sometimes make me really happy.

I was expecting a package on Saturday. It didn't arrive. Amazon emailed me to let me know that the delivery company had the wrong address, and I should call there customer service to straighten things out. Ok, fine, I won't get upset, mistakes happen. But dammit, I have to deal with ten minutes of crappy automated customer service in order to fix this! Ugh. OH well, whatever. I give the number a jingle, and you know what? I had to deal with about thirty seconds of automated customer service before talking to a real human being.

Here's how the conversation went:

Auto-serve:"Hello, welcome to [redacted]. Please state the nature of your call" (It went on to list various possible reasons one may call"

Me:"Uh, package not delivered due to incorrect address"

As:"I understand there was an incorrect address. Please enter or speak your tracking number"


As:"One moment please"

Two seconds later, this happens:

Actual, real, live, human being!: "Hello, I hear that your package had the wrong address. I can fix that for you. Please verify the last four digits of the tracking number for me."

Me: "Oh wow! Really? Just like that? Ok! Yeah... I mean, this is so awesome, ok here you go... [redacted]"

A,r,l,hb:"Excellent. What is your address?"


A,r,l,hb: "Well, that's the one we have here, but we show your zip code as Aurora..."

Me:"Oh yes, I'm right on the border. Technically in one city, serviced by the post for another. A bit silly, really."

A,r,l,hb: "Oh, no problem. I'll just add a note that it's the correct address and we'll have it out to you on Monday"


That's it. Less than ten minutes total spent on the phone, to fix a completely understandable problem. It was so quick! It was so easy! Awesome sauce!

Well, it's Monday. Do I have a package yet? No. Damn. But I did get a phone call from an 800 number this morning. Now, this happens from time to time, and most of the time it's people looking for some dude named 'John Johnson'* so I just ignore them. If someone wants to find me bad enough, they'll serve me papers just like everyone else.

Then I got a call from the same number not more than fifteen minutes ago. Guess who? The delivery company! The guy confirmed that it was me, and then asked if I got his message from earlier. Wait a minute, I thought to myself, this company not only calls you to let you know they have your package, but they'll actually call you twice just to be sure? Fantastic! Yeah, it's me, I said. He explained that the delivery guy was there, but he wasn't sure if he had the right apartment, since all the buildings had letters on them and my address didn't. After a quick and friendly conversation the guy informed me that the package was delivered to the office, which is standard procedure in these situations.

Wow, it's almost like they read my previous post. Not only do they conduct their deliveries in a consistent manner, but they go out of their way to help you fix any problems that might arise. That is so frickin' awesome I can't even begin to describe it!

So, for all of you out there who want to ship something, choose FedEx. They friggin' rock!

FedEx: Kicking Ass and Taking Names

KIDS! Today's word is 'redact'. Can anyone tell me what it means? No? You say that I'm dumb? Oh wait, of course you can't tell me anything; I can't hear you. This is a blog post, not a phone call or something. I'm a silly.** 

Redact: to obscure or remove (text) from a document prior to publication or release

*This is a false name. If you thought otherwise, you are dumb.

**Wait, so then how did I hear you call me dumb?