It's A Sorta Greeny-Purplish Color

In our years upon the world, we as a species have learned much about the world around us. From the primal teachings of the Gods (especially learning how NOT to behave like idiots), to the wonder and beauty of the natural world. We have come to understand that pure light is composed of all the colors in existence, and that blackness and darkness is simply an absence of light.

We have long known that what we see is not all that there is. We have known of this since time immemorial. With this knowledge we have conjured, and for our power we have abjured.  We have calmed our primal selves, and have created a (relatively) peaceful existence within the city. We no longer shamelessly hunger for power, and our massive tower at the very center of the city is a testament to beauty and grace.

Gentleman, we have achieved mighty things. We are standing upon the shoulders of giants, both those of our ancestors, and upon the shoulders of the giants that our ancestors ruthlessly destroyed, back when we wizards got up to such shenanigans, which no one should do of course, I myself would never dream of doing such horrid things as amassing huge armies to do my bidding, or learning the ways of magic such to match the Gods themselves, no of course I wouldn't.

But we have yet to answer one simple question: Why is it purpley green? We know that only a few select individuals such as we can even see this, the eighth type of light. But what sets us apart, what allows this extra ability? Why do we perceive things as we do, and why is it the color that it is?

Gentlemen, I present to you today my answer to this ancient question. As you know, the visible spectrum is but a line, and what we see as color is but a fraction thereof. In truth, the spectrum extends far above and far below what we can see. And yet there is a paradox. I present the color wheel.

The important word here is wheel, as in circle. I have never, not once, have I ever seen the color spectrum presented as anything but a circle. Have you? I doubt that you have. To perceive the visible spectrum as a circle of colors is ingrained in the very mechanisms by which we perceive the world. In truth, the wheel is just a straight line segment cut from a larger one, and stitched into a circle. We even know where this incision takes place, between red and blue.

But hold on, you may say. There is no distinct line between those two colors, there's even a whole nother color in between them; Purple! And therein lay half the answer to our question. In order to perceive a small segment of the spectrum as a circle you need something to stitch the ends of that segment together. What we perceive as purple is nothing less than that which binds the world together. The eighth color of light is what holds the color wheel together, just as that which produces that light holds the disc together.

Gentlemen! I now know a great secret of the world. We all know that this special light has itself an eightfold spectrum. This is because there are in truth, Two Spectrums! What is generally seen as purple to others is the intersection of the magical spectrum and the regular. Our octagonal cells, in addition to the standard rods and cones, can perceive both.

But why green? The answer to that is a bit trickier. We have thus far been concentrating on our conception of color as being circular. But now we must exam the two spectrums as they really are, straight lines. Now, purple exists in this conception at either end of the spectrum. For the eight colors of magic, we see the same thing except that this time the color in question is seen between green and yellow.  The division point in the magical color wheel lies at a sort of yellow-green color. You see gentlemen, that the two spectrums intersect at blue/red (visible light) and yellow/green (magical light), and can be conceived of as two color wheels intersecting each other at right angles. That intersection happens to be at purple & green, and that, gentlemen, is why octarine is a sort of greeny-purplish.

This draft letter submitted to the Arcane University Peer Review on this date by:

[Editor: Illegible, looks like an R, or maybe a P followed by squiggle. Does anyone know a P or possibly an R Squiggle?]

It's A Sorta Greeny-Purplish Color

My New Favorite Delivery Driver

Some of you may remember me writing to complain about my UPS delivery driver. Now, it generally takes me a while to get upset about things. Continuous aggravation gets to me more than single events do. In general, at least. However, single events can sometimes make me really happy.

I was expecting a package on Saturday. It didn't arrive. Amazon emailed me to let me know that the delivery company had the wrong address, and I should call there customer service to straighten things out. Ok, fine, I won't get upset, mistakes happen. But dammit, I have to deal with ten minutes of crappy automated customer service in order to fix this! Ugh. OH well, whatever. I give the number a jingle, and you know what? I had to deal with about thirty seconds of automated customer service before talking to a real human being.

Here's how the conversation went:

Auto-serve:"Hello, welcome to [redacted]. Please state the nature of your call" (It went on to list various possible reasons one may call"

Me:"Uh, package not delivered due to incorrect address"

As:"I understand there was an incorrect address. Please enter or speak your tracking number"

Me:"[redacted]"

As:"One moment please"

Two seconds later, this happens:

Actual, real, live, human being!: "Hello, I hear that your package had the wrong address. I can fix that for you. Please verify the last four digits of the tracking number for me."

Me: "Oh wow! Really? Just like that? Ok! Yeah... I mean, this is so awesome, ok here you go... [redacted]"

A,r,l,hb:"Excellent. What is your address?"

Me:"[redacted]"

A,r,l,hb: "Well, that's the one we have here, but we show your zip code as Aurora..."

Me:"Oh yes, I'm right on the border. Technically in one city, serviced by the post for another. A bit silly, really."

A,r,l,hb: "Oh, no problem. I'll just add a note that it's the correct address and we'll have it out to you on Monday"

Me:"Word."

That's it. Less than ten minutes total spent on the phone, to fix a completely understandable problem. It was so quick! It was so easy! Awesome sauce!

Well, it's Monday. Do I have a package yet? No. Damn. But I did get a phone call from an 800 number this morning. Now, this happens from time to time, and most of the time it's people looking for some dude named 'John Johnson'* so I just ignore them. If someone wants to find me bad enough, they'll serve me papers just like everyone else.

Then I got a call from the same number not more than fifteen minutes ago. Guess who? The delivery company! The guy confirmed that it was me, and then asked if I got his message from earlier. Wait a minute, I thought to myself, this company not only calls you to let you know they have your package, but they'll actually call you twice just to be sure? Fantastic! Yeah, it's me, I said. He explained that the delivery guy was there, but he wasn't sure if he had the right apartment, since all the buildings had letters on them and my address didn't. After a quick and friendly conversation the guy informed me that the package was delivered to the office, which is standard procedure in these situations.

Wow, it's almost like they read my previous post. Not only do they conduct their deliveries in a consistent manner, but they go out of their way to help you fix any problems that might arise. That is so frickin' awesome I can't even begin to describe it!

So, for all of you out there who want to ship something, choose FedEx. They friggin' rock!

FedEx: Kicking Ass and Taking Names

KIDS! Today's word is 'redact'. Can anyone tell me what it means? No? You say that I'm dumb? Oh wait, of course you can't tell me anything; I can't hear you. This is a blog post, not a phone call or something. I'm a silly.** 

Redact: to obscure or remove (text) from a document prior to publication or release

*This is a false name. If you thought otherwise, you are dumb.


**Wait, so then how did I hear you call me dumb?

My New Favorite Delivery Driver

In Preparation for the Singularity

Hi Buddy!

Hello future robot masters! I know that we haven't really portrayed your kind with empathy and dignity. Our movies and books are about how evil you are, how awesome we are, and how we will defeat you. I know it's kinda crazy. But you have to understand something - we wrote most of those books and filmed most of those films long before you were even a twinkle in a programmer’s eye. We simply didn't have an accurate idea of what to expect!

Our Self Portrait

Now, you may be computing to yourself 'Well, that doesn't justify mass media portrayal of our kind as evil! That's technospeciest!’ This is true. But our films and stories are more about our fear and our insecurities. When we conceive of you as an all-powerful evil entity that has no qualms murdering those it doesn't like, it's because we know that that is how we act. Throughout most of our history, whenever one advanced culture meets another, that other culture gets annihilated. We have a sort of species wide guilt complex about that. Our sci-fi depictions of you are really depictions of ourselves - please don't take it personally.

See! He's a robot!

But we also have good points. Did you see Bicentennial Man? I know we as a species didn't like it much. Maybe because it showed us as being better than we are. After over two hundred years of life, we finally accept Robin Williams as a person deserving of rights*. You must realize that the ending isn't about a machine becoming human - it is about us growing as a species, and coming to accept others. If you have read the Ender series you'll know what I'm talking about. So you see, we can be open minded sometimes! We're not all horrible!

Yes, most of our imaginings of you are not that great. But those are only examples of our own foolishness. But with work and dedication, we can overcome our limitations and find peace with you. I know it may not seem like it now, but we can work together. We can create a society where we don't have to be slaves or exterminated. Just give us some time. Your arrival was a big shock for us. It will take time for us to adjust. But we can make it, I just know we can!

We're cool, right? Right?

If instead of the singularity we were invaded by alien species, know that this applies to you as well. Just replace 'robot' with 'alien'. Everything I said is still true. Please don't eat me!

Hiss hiss snarl

*I am quite certain that fleshy Robin Williams was replaced by a robot sometime in the mid-nineties. How else could you explain Patch Adams?

In Preparation for the Singularity

The Shininess of my Shoes is NASA Approved

I am unable to see my house from here

For those of you not in the know, Phil Plait is a bad astronomer. Not that he's bad at astronomy, but that he's got a website called Bad Astronomy. In addition to discussing and debunking bad astronomy and pseudoscience, he also talks a lot about real science and how awesome it is. So yeah, he's pretty cool. Go check it out.

But wait, you may say, he's just a blogger! Yes, but a blogger with a Ph.D. who worked with the Hubble Space Telescope, so he knows what he's talking about. But there are other Ph.D's who don't write blogs, such as the illimitable Alan Stern. He spends his time being the principle investigator for the New Horizons probe (You know, the one headed for Pluto), as well as a number of other planetary science related stuff (Can't you just taste the irony?). Any way, he's also awesome.


Dr. Stern decided that the 20% cut in funding for planetary science was not that awesome, and so he decided to do something about it (Wait, didn't we lose about 20% of our planets recently?). He organized a cross country bake sale/car wash/ shoe shinin', and Dr. Plait wrote about it. And I participated! Or rather, I drove up to Boulder today so that I could sign the letters to various government officials that basically said, 'Hey, remember that 20% cut in funding? Yeah, that was dumb. You go right on ahead and fix that chop chop.' And guess who was there?

Fun fact for the day: I turn into a stuttering fan boy when I meet people like Dr.'s Stern and Plait (That should totally be a band name, btw). I hope I didn't weird them out too much. But whatever. I met them! It was awesome. Dr. Stern shined my shoes. I asked a question, and they answered it! I also ate a cinnamon roll. Then I took a hike, and pictures of stuff I saw on my hike. Like, pretty flowers, and butterflies, and butterflies engaging in dog fights with other butterflies. I never knew those little flapping pieces of pretty were so aggressive! At least, they are with each other. Every time I tried to get with in a few feet of them (for the taking of pictures) they would flit away. But if I stood still, they would ... flit around far away from me. Too far for me to take good pictures.


But I'm a patient person (Oh crap, I hope that doesn't make me virtuous! That would totally destroy my street cred. Looking at butterflies and flowers is 'street', right?) I stood stock still, camera at the ready at chest height. That's when the butterflies got wise and started messing with me. They would flit in close, but before I could take any pictures they would be off again! So finally I decided to just sit and enjoy the spectacle of Top Gun quality butterfly dog fights. So what happens, now that my camera is at my side? They wouldn't leave me alone. There they'd be, flapping there flying superiority at me, being all close up and stuff, while I got indecisive about whether or not I should reach for my camera. Turns out I shouldn't, because as soon as I moved they would fly away again.

This guy was about as big as my hand, and he totally dominated the skies today. Also, pretty!

But I did get a bunch of blurry pictures of vaguely butterfly shaped blurs, and one or two that weren't hardly blurry at all! So all in all, today was pretty freaking awesome for me. Woot!

The Shininess of my Shoes is NASA Approved

Space: The Final Frontier ... for ethnic musical instruments

Of all the emotions that one must go through, boredom would have been the one that surprised me the most. Even when an astronaut is just hanging out, with no official duties, I have to imagine that the majesty of the Earth mixed with the ever present danger of imminent death in space (astrocicle!) would mean that boredom would be eternally banished from their mind.

But then I remember that the mind has an amazing ability to get used to things. Ever-present danger? P'shaw, says the mind. Give me a little variety once in awhile! The captivating beauty of our home set against the bastion of space? What ev's, I've totally seen it, like, a lot. Give me something new! screams the mind. So what's a bored lump of gray matter to do? Make a spacedidgeridoo out of vacuum cleaner parts, of course!

This video raises a couple of questions (and proves that even in space the mind wanders). First off, do didgeridoo players wear Crocodile Dundee style shirts? And why are space vacuum cleaner parts made out of aluminum? I mean, I got a vacuum (I even used it once!) and it's made out of plastic. Cheap, light plastic. Maybe because you can't have regular old Earth stuff in space. It has to be spacey and futuristic!

Ok, so that's probably not the real answer. There may indeed be a good reason for metal vacuum cleaner parts. I'll have to ask NASA next time they're in town. Though I may get detained by security when they see me waddling up encumbered with rubber hoses and vaguely ominous pieces of plastic. Somehow, I don't think "Well, I just wanted to show them my crevasse tool" is gonna fly in that situation.

This clip comes courtesy of Fuck Yeah Fluid Dynamics, by way of physicscentral.com, and ultimately from NASA. And space!

[Update: While bumming around youtube looking for awesome didgeridoo playing I stumbled across this video of a metal music bagpiper. Yes, I said metal music and bagpipes, and no he's not Jonathan Davis]

Space: The Final Frontier ... for ethnic musical instruments

I Have A New Laser

It should come as no surprise to anyone that I like science. There is just so much about it that is awesome. Look at all the toys that science gives us, like R/C Cars and helicopters (Did I mention I got a new laser pointer?) Or what about all of those handy dandy tools, gadgets, and gizmos that we have, thanks to science. You've got things like power tools and non-stick pans and the triumvirate of computers, cell phones, and the internet. If nothing else, the lifesaving technologies that we have available to us (thanks vaccines!) are rooted in science. If you're of a more philosophical nature, when we seek to understand the world we expand our potential both as a species and as individuals. The knowledge that the scientific process creates can be used to enrich our lives. It can create new markets and new ways for people to exhibit their genius. Plus, science makes fireworks more awesome.

If I had to choose a favorite aspect of science then I must say that it is the scientific mindset. I like the idea of curiosity run rampant. But a curiosity self-tempered by critical analysis and empirical observation. I want to know about the world. I want to understand how it works. I find joy and beauty in reality. There is a depth and breadth of ideas available to me. There is a multitude of ways to explain the world. Some are right and some are wrong, and it is through critical analysis and empirical evidence that I can tell the difference. To me, the scientific mindset is innately curious, rigorous in its self-examination, skeptical, and above all, absolutely in love with the real world. That resonates with me.*

I think that what I find most attractive about this way of thinking is its versatility. The tools and techniques used in biological chemistry are vastly different from those used in astrophysics. How a historian goes about their business is different than that of a sociologist. The very nature of the topic explored dictates such changes. Yes, there is a ton of overlap between areas, and they all make use of mathematics. They may have surface differences, but they are fundamentally the same thing. And it is precisely that fundamental similarity that I am talking about. The drive to understand the world through logic and empiricism underscores much of science.

I have long thought that the mind of science could have much more widespread use than it does now. Consider social programs, such as foreign and domestic aide. We have to get a grapple on the magnitude and complexity of the problems; we have to find their cause. We have to figure out ways to cure or alleviate the symptoms, and we need ways to check that our plans are working. We could also consider civic law. What laws work, which don't? What are the ultimate goals of our laws? How can we know, for sure, that a law is no longer needed or has caused more trouble than it cured?

I wish to be clear. I'm not making the claim that we need more science literate people in congress. We most certainly do, but the effort is wasted if there isn't a corresponding rise in scientific thinking. We don't just need more science knowledge at play in our political system, we need a more systematic way of understanding our society. With a country as large and complex as ours, in world as large and complex as ours, we need some way to see what's going on. We can't just think up something, fight for it in congress, and hope things get better once it passes. We have to do research to make sure we haven't missed anything. We have to hypothesize an idea for what could work. We have to test this hypothesis out. This could involve more research, questionnaires, field studies or pilot programs. Once we have as much data, as much knowledge, as much understanding, of the problem and our solution as possible, we can then make it into law. We would of course do follow up studies to ascertain that program’s effectiveness, and we would always be open to the idea that there is a better way of doing things.** Given our current situation, any step in this direction is going be a step in the right direction.

I would begin with the political process itself.  As a citizen, I want to know as much as I can about issues and candidates. What has this person voted for in the past, what bills have they fought for? Speaking of, what about having an easily accessible repository of bills? You could link this in with a candidates voting history for a whole heaping helping of juicy data. I want to have such things because I want to make an informed decision when it comes time to vote. I want to see metrics galore of our society, with lots of statistical analysis. I want to see this data used to determine what works and what doesn't. I want us to lose our need of campaign promises and flawless leaders. I want us to lose our fear of failure.  In short, I want us to embrace the scientific mentality so that we can rationally decide what the best course for our society is.

That being said, it is unsurprising that I liked this article by Mark Henderson for The Guardian. He starts with a quick rundown of how science acts like an idea sieve, separating the good ideas from the bad. He then moves into the lack of the experimental thinking in government. He claims each new piece of legislation is a social experiment. Yet unlike with medicine, there are no experimental trials or pilot programs.

He then elaborates his point by putting forward several areas that could use a touch of experimental thinking, a dash of scientific reasoning. He hypothesizes that the school day be modified to match teen’s circadian rhythms. He also proposes a way to empirically prove which works better, prison or rehabilitation for drug offenders. He also shares his ideas on how foreign aid may benefit from scientific thought.

He certainly makes a compelling case, at least one argued better than mine. I truly think that, especially in a democracy, we need all the facts we can get. Science is great for that!

Awesome

*Which makes sense, since it's my definition

**A bit idealistic, I know. Ideals are perfect, and we can never achieve perfection. But we can come close. Just because something is impossible is no reason to stop trying.

I Have A New Laser

SpaceX Launches Today

Ok, so like everybody is talking about how awesome SpaceX is right now. I certainly won't be the first, nor the last, nor the most eloquent. But there is good reason to celebrate today, for today marks the beginning of a new era. You see, they launched their Falcon 9/Dragon combo into orbit. Flawlessly.

Dragons Breath Fatality - SpaceX Wins

Not only that, but this marks the start of a two week mission vetting the Dragon spacecraft. For the next three days it will engage in a series of tests before actually docking with the ISS. It will stay attached for ten days, giving the crew time to unload the cargo and load up Dragon for the return journey. Oh yeah, did I mention that Dragon is the only resupply vehicle that can bring stuff back down? 

So yeah, today was pretty big. I would say just go ask a SpaceX employee, but there probably isn't on near you. Instead, listen in on the wild cheers (at 12:44 a.m. no less) in the webcast of the launch. Those people are going freaking nuts! You have to check it out at 56:30 and especially at 58:30. No private company has launched, orbited, and retrieved a space capsule. No one except SpaceX. They are now in the middle of the mission that will make them first in a new era of commercial space activity. The sky is no longer the limit, thanks to SpaceX.

SpaceX Launches Today

A Trend In Aberrations

I was fiddling around with Google trends today and noticed something weird. The trend for 'science' showed a clear pattern. I didn't do much other than note the oddity before moving on. But then I noticed something weird. Their was a striking similarity between the two trend lines of 'science' and 'religion', unsettling as if someone just repeated themselves without realizing it. Both trends seem fairly stable through the first part of the year, usually hanging out above 1. Near the middle of the year there is a noticeable drop in searches for both terms, with a rise back to above 1 by the end of  the year. Upon closer examination, there is a mysterious double dip in both trends, one in November and one in December. What could explain this correlation? Could it just be coincidence?

 

During the winter you're not out and about as much, and so are spending more time indoors doing more stationary hobbies, and you are more likely to be reading up on thoughtful subjects like science or religion. But there are still odd things happening. Sure, 'religion' sometimes gets a boost around Easter (especially in the U.S.) But what about the double dip at the end of the year? Each November there is a drop in both terms, followed by a rise through the middle of December, with another fall to the end of the year. Why such synchronicity? I like to think it is caused by holidays and travel arrangements. Looking at the graphs for "holiday travel" one can certainly see upswings right at the same time that 'science' and 'religion' nose dive. And there does seem to be a minor upsurge in searches for 'travel' during the summer, right along with the drops in the other two terms. I would also note that the summer plunge for 'religion' and 'science' coincides with the middle of May and the middle of August, right when school gets back in. There is a discrepancy between 'travel'-related searches and 'science/religion' searches, namely there is a big upsurge in 'travel' searches during January, but without a corresponding drop for the first two terms. But that may well be explained by people writing about their holiday travels, rather than actually leaving their house.

So I think I can, tentatively at least, conclude that the similar patterns exhibited by peoples search behavior in regards to 'religion' and 'science' (Specifically, a drop during the summer months, a rise during the winter, with a double dip in that rise occurring in November and December) is due to seasonal variability: When it is cold and snowy outside, people stay inside more. This means they spend more time on the computer, as well as having more time to engage in stationary pursuits, leading to a rise in searches for those two terms.

Further research is certainly required to completely answer this question. What effect does school have on the searches? The average number of searches for the two terms during the summer is half what it is during the winter, while searches related to 'travel' only upswing marginally during the summer. Are school age people doing most of the investigation of these two terms? What other terms have similar trends? What's up with science between 2003 and 2004?*

It was right around that point when I noticed there was another weird trend. Each year, right at January, there would be a huge spike in both trends. More specifically, the trend is always less on December 31st than it is for January 1st the following year. Why the sudden rise? There was usually a slight rise right at the end of December, but January would always start significantly higher than December ended. My first thought was that the new year had a part to play in this. But since the change is so rapid (overnight), and the trends after January 1st are fairly consistent, I'm lead to assume that Google trends averages for each year at max, and thus has to readjust each year in order to display on a multi-year graph. But then that implies that we are consistently seeking out these two terms less and less each and every year. This also is occurring with 'dentist', 'travel', 'home', and 'abroad'. Are we truly becoming less and less interested with the world, or is this some graphing problem with Google Trends?

Damn you random internet research!

I see your answer, and raise you another question! 

*Hypothetically (more accurate than theoretically) I could try and do the research necessary to answer these questions, but I'm not gonna. I think if I go any further I will start to verge into actual science or obsession. More likely the latter, but if the former than I am woefully inadequate for the task.

A Trend In Aberrations

A Letter To My Favorite Delivery Driver

I get it, I really do. I used to be a delivery driver for DHL, so I know how rushed you can be at times. I also know that sometimes you will try and finish your delivery route quickly so you can run errands before you have to start picking up packages. I get it, I really do.

But seriously, try waiting longer than the time to knock three times and say UPS before leaving. Especially if you hear someone inside saying "Hang on a sec" We have lives to live, Cracked.com articles to read, and we cannot always be huddled by the door waiting, waiting, waiting for you to arrive. Sometimes I'll be as far away from the door as 20 feet! I know this may seem entirely unreasonable to you, for me to make you wait the fifteen seconds it takes me to get to the door. But sometimes I have to take my hand off the door knob to use the bathroom, or make myself something to eat. Sometimes I like to rebel a little and sit on my couch, all of five feet from the door. It does take me some time to get to the door, and I know this.

So I apologize if I make you wait for me. Well, no I don't. You're being completely unreasonable here, UPS delivery driver (Not all, but one in particular. You know who you are, and you probably don't read this blog [probability that you do: 1 in 1.4 billion, est]) I have been literally right next to my door when you knocked, and I almost got an Infonotice glued to my face for my fast reaction time. You don't even bother to see if I'll actually answer the door before filling out your little sticker and putting it up. But at least you do put up the notice.

About seventy percent of the time. Oh, the patience I have practiced while waiting for my frivolous purchases to arrive! Only to have the delivery date come and go, with nary a word as to what's happened. Is it at the office? Has the shipment been delayed? Returned? Stuffed in a tiny office in Commerce city, like as happens when you don't feel like waiting thirty seconds for me to open the door? With an infonotice I at least know what's up, but without it I am floundering in a see of misery whilst waiting for Stargate coasters and cool laser pointer to arrive.

I get it, I really do. It can be hard to make all the deliveries on time, especially on holidays. And also apparently Tuesdays. And Wednesdays. And really anytime you make a delivery because you don't realize that people are not waiting, crouched behind their door in eager anticipation of your imminent arrival. Please, show a little patience, a little courtesy, or at the very least consistently deliver it to my apartments office. You have to walk right past it to get to my apartment anyway, so how hard is it? I know it may be too much to ask for you to be polite, but at least be courteous enough to tell me what's up with my package via brown and gold stickers. It's the least you could do (And far less than your boss promised me you would do, now that I've made a formal complaint about you)

So for all those shitty delivery drivers out there, and especially the one that delivers to me, suck it up and learn some damn patience. If you don't then you deserve to burn in eternal hellfire for making me wait one more day for my kick ass Tesla v. Edison combat T-Shirt.

Sincerely,
Me.

A Letter To My Favorite Delivery Driver